If you listen to your body and emotions, you don't need solutions to all your troubles and pains. Therapy in nature and afterwards an autumn run from Bilthoven to Amersfoort to put theory into practice.
As you may have read in my previous blogs, my life is a bit stressful at the moment. Or to put it another way: it feels like I'm being lived and I don't have a voice in it myself. I just don't feel like doing much anymore. Running does improve my current mood a bit, but I have to guard my borders to prevent me running to the edge of the world and falling of it... Or prevent getting scared that I can't run because I have a disappointing training every now and then. At the same time, the stress of more and more covid cases in the area is also creeping into the training sessions. Can Indian Summer still take place? That too stresses me after training so hard for it.
Through a service exchange group on Facebook, I stumbled upon Claire. Actually, she was looking for help in setting up a website, because she wanted to continue with her therapy practice, which includes hiking coaching sessions . With body-oriented exercises and use of natural elements, you can look at your problems from a different perspective. I really liked the natural elements and from my experience with emotional body work and other coaching work, I also know that this type of therapy can really help me. If you only talk about your problems, it is hard to stay out of the analytical thinking which tries to explain everything. So we decided to meet in the woods near Bilthoven. Which provided a great opportunity to sniff the Utrechtse Heuvelrug in autumn with a medium endurance training.
Foliage and brittle wood
The scents of a forest, the rustling of the leaves, the soft ground beneath your feet, will make you ease down immediately. But while walking we soon notice that enough emotions still want to surface. Or rather: that I worry about others and about things I have little influence on. That I feel the compulsion to play the savior, forgetting myself or even neglecting my own needs.
Where in my body can I feel that? Claire asks. I scan my body and notice that my belly feels hardened, that inside it is a teeming mass that is shouting so loudly that no meaningful word is to be discerned. My hand on my belly gets electric shocks, just like those light bulbs that you touch for a moment and then lightning flashes towards your fingertips. So the electricity is there, but it doesn't run neatly in a circle, the life energy doesn't flow. My hands stay on my stomach and I breathe firmly. Slowly voices come out. I feel neglect and sadness in my belly, which still feels tight.
But low and behold, by giving attention and by depicting one of the situations with a fibrous brittle piece of wood (me), tree bark, beechnuts and leaves, the restlessness lessens. The voices can be carried as a child and there seems to be more connection between upper and lower body. Is there a problem solved? No. Or maybe there is. The sadness still exists, but it is not nearly as heavy as before as it feels someone listens. And I feel stronger and less inclined to act as a rescuer who is propelled forward by his own nerves. For as long as it takes.
After an hour and a half, Claire and I say goodbye. As a maintenance I will build in a daily ritual to listen to my body. I can't neglect my own feelings, even though I can't change the situation itself.
Flowing rain
Immediately after our session a heavy rain started. I doubted for a moment if I would still do my training. But rain is also part of running and with the Omm Kamleika I can't say that I don't have a good raincoat. The rain sounded like a bad excuse. But deep down there still was a wish to breathe in the forest.
The run itself didn't start quite as planned. The fueling was less advanced than usual. Because of the short distance (24 km) and because I usually have to take starch drinks half an hour in advance. In this case it was mainly running on Isostar, Gummi bears and Snickers. And at 3 km it was already necessary to intervene...
Tiredness also bothered me. It felt a bit like running through concrete at times; it's clear that the tapering really has to begin now to get a good start during the Indian Summer. Am I pushing myself too hard lately? I decided to scan myself for a while and listen to the pain.
Again, recognition of feelings – so realy listening to your body – proves a good method. One I will have to apply later on during the Indian Summer race as well. If you give up on every little pain or setback, you will never enjoy running and never finish in a race. If you try to ignore every pain or setback, you might even run the risk of an injury. But if you listen to your body, admit that you are in pain, that you are tired, then some of the pressure is already gone. That creates space to believe that the pain, the fatigue, passes. Space to make small changes that help you persevere.
Autumn splendor
Despite the rain and the fatigue, there was a desire to play again today. Jumping over branches. Stomping through water. Searching for mushrooms. Wondering if Sandra would like to make photos on the greenest moss I ever saw, a real green velvet carpet. The soft murmur of a running stream was audible in the distance. Would I dare to drift along in its flow?
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